Saturday, January 19, 2013

My Dear Pakistan

On January 8th 2013, you came into my country like renegade rambo's and killed two of its soldiers, mutilated one’s body and beheaded the other while taking his head back as a trophy. Well, what a jingoistic medal that, but not your first time at such escapades, if only nature had awarded you with balls to stay back after your inhuman exploits rather than run away like pussies, sigh. Moving on, Ilyas Kashmiri, one of yours then soldier gave a similar performance way back in 1999 and was awarded 1 lakh rupees as a reward by 'Not so general anymore' Musharaff for bringing back a souvenir, little knowing that some years later the beheader would be droned to death for being a terrorist by the Americans and the award giver would have his head slit the moment he returns to Pakistan. Karma is a bitch, isn't it blood ?

I would have been extremely happy if you would have beheaded Manmohan Singh’s daughter or son rather than a poor soldier who only had Mother India in his blood, but very little in his pocket, irony, maybe then our Sardar would have opened his mouth and wits to take some action against parasites like yourself rather than put his Aman ka Tamasha forward, but remember the world has its ways of meting out punishments even if the dhotis in the parliament don’t move a muscle. 

Let me elaborate, on January 10th 2013, 2 days after your escapade in India, multiple bombs exploded in Pakistan killing 115 of your people in a single day. Normally, I would feel sad at such a waste of human lives, but that day I did not. I felt a sense of satisfaction flow through my head, a feeling which resounded support for any country or thing committed to your very removal as an entity from this planet with all its inhabitants charred to dust. My favourite bird since some years has changed from a kingfisher to an american drone for this very reason. If only our government spent some of their grey matter on planning bombing missions into your Pak as fuck land rather than just spending dough on getting armaments from Israel, Russia and America to rot in some bunker in Pokhran or Kashmir. 

Some days later, I was surfing online and realised, Hey, we keep using ‘Fuck’ as a cuss in our everyday lives like it was a default setting, but what does Oxford dictionary actually have to say about this exclamatory entity. Eager to find out I googled and like always Oxford explained, “The official definition of fuck, is when USA told Pakistan after 9/11 “We will bomb you back to stone age if you do not co-operate". Further on, this very dictionary describes the use of the word ‘Fuck off’ as a cuss used by the American government when Pakistanis protest against the drone strikes on their tribal belts. Popping a thumbs up, I promised myself to explain these intricacies to all the na├»ve Indian who use them minus any relevance to the actual intention.  

Googling further, I accounted that since 9/11, 35 thousand of  your people have died in bomb explosions and terrorist attacks all over your country, finally the snake got bitten by its own venom eh ? Your country was created in 1947 on the basis that ‘Hindu and Muslims’ can’t live together and hence a separate entity called Pakistan has to be formed. Sure enough, I am glad for us, for the Muslims who left India during the partition, as for those war mongering bastards that reside in your country would have never been able to live with us peace loving Indians in our motherland. This is not just random blabber, a survey conducted in 2012 ascertains that 6 out of 10 Pakistani hate India. Well the amount we have progressed in 66 years compared to the amount you have not progressed at all, you fellows do sound like a jealous housewife when you start complaining about India. What to do, Jihad was more important for ya'll than industrialisation and technology. 

You say you want Kashmir, well, come and get it, who is stopping you? Wow, I just remembered, the 8 lakh Indian soldiers in Kashmir, who will erase your very existence from this planet the moment you step out of your pig nests are the ones stopping you, your military budget which stands at a meagre 6.2 billion $ a year compared to our mammoth 50 billion $ a year is stopping you and lastly the flourishing economy that you have gifted your kind self is holding your horses on titanium leashes. 

I remember Zulfikar Ali Butto, proudly proclaiming in 1965 “We will eat grass, go hungry even, but we will get our nuclear bomb”, well with the bomb explosions happening every day in your pure as Bisleri land, surely even grass dare not grow between all that scattered ordinances and limbs. I am not surprised at your current state though, the day you adopted theocracy as your mode of governance, you announced doomsday as your future tense. Look at the middle east, its like counter strike on news channels everyday with no respite in sight. I hope when you are on the brink of extinction, you ponder over your mistakes and come to a conclusion that Indians were right throughout and you were always condemned.

For now, lets agree to disagree and stay out of each others way, We know that we will play a part in your destruction in some decades like we dismembered Bangladesh in 1971, but let that time not come right tomorrow or day after as our current government is spineless enough to let you live even if it has the opportunity to finish a cancer like yourself once and for all. It's not their fault, the grandmothers and grandpa's in the parliament just do not have the stomach to  give a bone crunching blow and most of all they are so busy with corruption that they just don't have the time for you. Look at how big hearted we are, we let you live in 1947, we gave you a pass in 1965 for you to try your luck in 1971 and 1999. In fact in 1971, we took 90 thousand of your soldiers as prisoners of war and then gave them back to you without even a pin prick to either of them, sigh. The day, a reincarnation of Indira Gandhi comes to power, you will run, but you will not be able to hide, you will pray, but even your imaginary entity will put his hands up and say 'Times up Fellas'. Until then, you can celebrate Diwali all year around whether you like it or not and as for us, we will wait for your next circus to come in a city near us.